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I Can’t Breathe

Over the weekend, I felt overwhelmed as I took in the news. Death. Riots. More death. More destruction. Cities overrun by thieves and murderers.

In the middle of all of it, as our freedom to move about and do business was starting to return, Virginia’s governor slammed it back down by mandating masks for everyone, telling them to keep being afraid and keep hiding.

These words that people took up as a rallying cry mean more than they realize:

I can’t breathe.

The constant fear all around me. The call to hide, to distance, to be afraid.

The masks. They’re all fake. We all wear them one way or another. We judge each other for them. They are talismans of false security and safety.

I can’t breathe.

I went to the Lord.

I can’t breathe.

He comforted me. And simply said to take off the mask, breathe life, and speak these words over a people in chaos.

“Speak boldly, confidently,” he said, “and all of Heaven will stand in agreement with you. And it shall be done.”

A Declaration for a People in Chaos

You are sons and daughters of the Most High King.
He is your God, your Father in Heaven.

You are loved by God.

You will act like sons and daughter of the King, and think like sons and daughters of the King.

You mind, body and soul will submit to the Spirit of the Living God.  And you will hear the voice of the Living God in your spirit.

Your heart is good, fertile soil in which the seed of His Word has been planted and will grow, be fruitful, and multiply.

You are mighty lights for God on this earth, and you will push back darkness and chaos where ever it crosses paths with you.

You are living stones built in a spiritual house. 

You will walk in victory and see the goodness of God in everything you set you hands to. 

Because He lives, you will also live. 

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Halloween and Christians

This year, I prayed a lot about how we “celebrate” Halloween in my family. I had listened to a lot of viewpoints from people I respect. And they varied from “it’s just fun, no big deal” to “it’s a time of outreach” to “it’s the devil’s holiday and we must not take any part in it.”

What was I to do or think?

A little background first: These past several years, I’ve delved deeper into God’s word and sought to understand deeper spiritual truths and principles. I wanted more than the Christian-looking life I felt like I was living since I became a believer in 1993. I wanted a heart that was after God’s own heart, and wanted to hear the voice of my Lord, and most importantly, follow Him wherever He led me.

As a result, I decided last year I wanted nothing to do with Halloween. No trick or treating, no decorations, no giving out candy.

I do believe it is a “high holiday” for the Satanic and the occult so I wanted nothing to do with it. I figured better safe than sorry. No judgment on people who do take part, it’s not a salvation issue, it’s a personal decision.

I told my kids we’d have a special dinner and movie, and maybe I can do a candy bar for them. But, they weren’t impressed.

They were sad about missing the “fun” but were willing to do whatever I decided.

As this October approached, I still didn’t have clarity, or how much was too much. I still felt like I was following rules without a heart conviction (which, in my book, is just religion), and was missing God’s heart in this.

Even up to the day before Halloween, I was trying to figure out a way to handle Halloween without my kids feeling like they missed out on fun.

As it often happens with God, he waits until the 11th hour, or less, to answer our prayers. In my case, it was afterwards that I realized He was leading me all along without telling me beforehand.

I’ve learned that He likes doing that…it builds and reveals our faith.

Before I tell you what we did, I want to share with you what He said to me when later that night, I asked what His stance was on Halloween.

He said “Take back for the Kingdom what the enemy has stolen. Celebrate me everyday, in everything. Take back fun for the children. Have nothing to do with evil or the appearance of evil. But celebrate, honor, glorify me. I don’t need a Christian veneer over a pagan holiday. I need you to love others the way I love them.”

He doesn’t want us to be afraid or avoid the enemy’s territory, but to boldly go in with the power of God’s love, and claiming what belongs to Him: the children.

And fun. God wants us to have fun.

So, all of October, God had put on my heart to walk around my neighborhood and pray for the children, for the families, and pray for their protection against the enemy. I blessed them and declared that they belonged to God and that the power of the enemy was null and void in this place.

On Halloween, I got a bunch of candy for my kids and decided to do a scavenger hunt for them around the house. As I was driving home, I got the idea to give them each 20 seconds to hunt for candy whenever they made a basketball shot. They loved it.

Turns out, my 7 year old son doesn’t even like to dress up in costumes or go trick or treating. He hates the creepy Halloween stuff. He just likes the candy. And my teen daughter preferred giving out candy over knocking on doors and asking for candy.

I also bought candy to give to trick or treaters and we prayed for every child that came to our home for candy. Not out loud in front of them (that would really scare them!).

We prayed for them beforehand and in our hearts. I did a final prayer walk around the neighborhood that night, blessing all the people who were out.  

At the end of the night, after a quiet time with the Lord, I knew we had done good. I didn’t run away from the works of the devil as if it was some germ infested carcas that I was not to touch or look upon. Again, that’s just religious rules.

I did what Jesus was called to do on this earth: destroy the works of the devil. (1 John 3:8).

Through prayer. 

Through God’s love for every child, man and woman and his desire to bless and deliver them.

Through faith that I am who He says I am, and I have been given the power and authority to take power over all the power of the enemy, and destroy the works of devil. (Luke 10:19)

“Take back for the Kingdom what the enemy has stolen. Celebrate me everyday, in everything. Take back fun for the children. Have nothing to do with evil or the appearance of evil. But celebrate, honor, glorify me. I don’t need a Christian veneer over a pagan holiday. I need you to love others the way I love them.” – God

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Five Easy Steps to Achieve Work/Life Balance

August 1, 2004 was a very significant day for me. It was the day I became an official business owner and took over our new business. That same month, my husband and I found out we were expecting our first child. And seven “short” years later, our second child came along in August of 2011. As a business owner and a mom, It has been and continues to be a quite a ride.

Autonomy was the biggest reason I decided to become a business owner. I wanted to be there for my kids when they needed me—at the bus stop, at school concerts, play dates, sick days, or anything else that required my attention during work hours.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the amount of energy (and stress) that business ownership required. In the first few years, I struggled with guilt that I should be spending more time with my family. However, I later encountered something quite unexpected—I actually enjoyed working and wanted to come to work.

You see, I always believed that I would be a full-time mom. Career was never that important to me. And so I was in a quandary. I already felt that I worked more than I wanted to, but I enjoyed my work. In my quest to reconcile this dilemma and find a work/life balance, I again discovered something unexpected: work/life balance doesn’t exist. It’s a myth. Just like there is no “five easy steps” to anything, there is no such thing as work/life balance. 

Like all truth does, this truth set me free. When I stopped berating myself for not holding to some preconceived notion of balance in my work and my family/personal life, not only did my business flourish, but our family dynamics improved as did my overall sense of satisfaction and happiness.

Don’t get me wrong. There were and continue to be many challenges, frustrations and even failures. But who needs the extra baggage of “this isn’t how my life SHOULD be” thinking? As a good friend once told me, stop “should-ing” all over yourself and enjoy the life you have.

Instead of five easy steps, let me share with you five truths to shatter the work/life balance myth:

  1. Trust yourself that you will make the right decision with the information you have right now. Do what you can with the resources/money/time you have now. Don’t wait for perfect clarity, don’t wait for the right moment.
  2. Stop overthinking things and making 1000 “what if” scenarios. Acknowledge, you will fail in some things (and refer to any one of the thousands of motivational quotes you see on social media about failure).
  3. Your character and your life are shaped in the journey, not when you reach your destination. Let go of unrealistic expectations. Refer to #1 and make course corrections as needed.
  4. Don’t use #3 as an excuse to not plan, not set goals,  or make bad choices. People who set goals (even small goals) and strive to reach their goals are happier and more content people. 
  5. Have the courage to make difficult decisions and tough changes when required. Sometimes it’s small changes like waking up an hour early every day to exercise or meditate. Or big things like changing careers or where you live. With any change, there is a period of discomfort and even pain. But once you make the change, you’re usually better off. Ask yourself, do you prefer endless slow suffering or a short period of intense suffering that you know will end?

Like unicorns and rainbows, work/life balance sounds fun and happy, but it’s elusive because you will rarely reach it. Have you ever tried to get close to a rainbow? It just goes POOF!

The next time you’ve got fifty things competing for your attention, take a minute and focus. If at work, focus on work. If with your family, focus on them. You’ll never balance the fifty, but you will balance the one that you’ve chosen to focus on.

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Burnout: Conclusion

I’m overwhelmed by how many people reached out in response to my article series about Burnout. Some shared they’re going through a similar phase. Some have been inspired to refocus their priorities. One reader was surprised that I would share such personal stuff.

It just goes to show that despite all the fun, exciting, and perfect lives we see on social media, everyone struggles with life. Everyone.

I’ve often said the entrepreneurial experience (and just life in general) is like this: fail, fail, SUCCESS, fail, fail, fail, SUCCESS, fail, SUCC.., oh wait, no…fail…

Successful people are successful not because they rarely fail (they fail often!). They are successful because they don’t stay down.

More than that, the high of success only carries us so far.  Unless we have a deeper, more meaningful purpose behind the day-to-day of our work, picking ourselves back up and shaking off the dust becomes harder and harder.

In his book, Start With Why, Simon Sinek describes the difference between being successful and feeling successful. That difference lies in the connection between what you do versus why you do it.

In other words, making money, climbing the ladder, and having all the stuff of success for the sake of success can leave you feeling miserable and empty inside.

Even if you’re just working to make ends meet every month, without a bigger vision you will hit the same wall.

Burnout and disillusionment are inevitable when you don’t have a bigger purpose behind all of your efforts and achievements.

In my last post, I asked you to ponder this question:

If you could be free from the day-to-day of the work that you are currently doing (and there was zero loss of quality in your work, relationships, and finances), what would you do with your time?

Here is how I answered it:

1 Inspire and be a positive influence in the life of everyone I come in contact with.

How would I accomplish this NOW?

Through coaching/consulting with current clients.

Through church ministry.

Through volunteering at kids’ school.

Through focused time with my family.

Through media [newsletter, blogging, video, email].

Through a successful business that supports employees, clients, and vendors who believe in our purpose.

The answer to that question should’ve helped you uncover your value goals. Here are other important value/life goals I uncovered, which require a financial engine (i.e. a source of income):

2 Buy a second home

3 Keep my kids in private school

4 Freedom and autonomy in how I spend my time

I was surprised to discover that I didn’t need to change much to accomplish my first value goal. What I needed was to focus and plan better.

For the other value goals, I saw how money was just a tool, and not a goal. It can make it easier to meet our value goals, but not impossible if there is very little of it. What is more important is purpose, discipline, and focus. Without those, you’ll still run into burnout, no matter how much money you have.

Answering these questions and consulting with people I trust and respect helped me to define the purpose behind the madness and routine of daily life, and breathe new life into my work.

Discovering your purpose, your big why is an effort worth undertaking. While you’re still in the thick of New Year “Resolution-ing” and fresh starts, revisit your goals and see if you can uncover what drives you to do what you do. What is your purpose? What do you stand for? And how is your work or your company a platform for your purpose?