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Five Easy Steps to Achieve Work/Life Balance

August 1, 2004 was a very significant day for me. It was the day I became an official business owner and took over our new business. That same month, my husband and I found out we were expecting our first child. And seven “short” years later, our second child came along in August of 2011. As a business owner and a mom, It has been and continues to be a quite a ride.

Autonomy was the biggest reason I decided to become a business owner. I wanted to be there for my kids when they needed me—at the bus stop, at school concerts, play dates, sick days, or anything else that required my attention during work hours.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the amount of energy (and stress) that business ownership required. In the first few years, I struggled with guilt that I should be spending more time with my family. However, I later encountered something quite unexpected—I actually enjoyed working and wanted to come to work.

You see, I always believed that I would be a full-time mom. Career was never that important to me. And so I was in a quandary. I already felt that I worked more than I wanted to, but I enjoyed my work. In my quest to reconcile this dilemma and find a work/life balance, I again discovered something unexpected: work/life balance doesn’t exist. It’s a myth. Just like there is no “five easy steps” to anything, there is no such thing as work/life balance. 

Like all truth does, this truth set me free. When I stopped berating myself for not holding to some preconceived notion of balance in my work and my family/personal life, not only did my business flourish, but our family dynamics improved as did my overall sense of satisfaction and happiness.

Don’t get me wrong. There were and continue to be many challenges, frustrations and even failures. But who needs the extra baggage of “this isn’t how my life SHOULD be” thinking? As a good friend once told me, stop “should-ing” all over yourself and enjoy the life you have.

Instead of five easy steps, let me share with you five truths to shatter the work/life balance myth:

  1. Trust yourself that you will make the right decision with the information you have right now. Do what you can with the resources/money/time you have now. Don’t wait for perfect clarity, don’t wait for the right moment.
  2. Stop overthinking things and making 1000 “what if” scenarios. Acknowledge, you will fail in some things (and refer to any one of the thousands of motivational quotes you see on social media about failure).
  3. Your character and your life are shaped in the journey, not when you reach your destination. Let go of unrealistic expectations. Refer to #1 and make course corrections as needed.
  4. Don’t use #3 as an excuse to not plan, not set goals,  or make bad choices. People who set goals (even small goals) and strive to reach their goals are happier and more content people. 
  5. Have the courage to make difficult decisions and tough changes when required. Sometimes it’s small changes like waking up an hour early every day to exercise or meditate. Or big things like changing careers or where you live. With any change, there is a period of discomfort and even pain. But once you make the change, you’re usually better off. Ask yourself, do you prefer endless slow suffering or a short period of intense suffering that you know will end?

Like unicorns and rainbows, work/life balance sounds fun and happy, but it’s elusive because you will rarely reach it. Have you ever tried to get close to a rainbow? It just goes POOF!

The next time you’ve got fifty things competing for your attention, take a minute and focus. If at work, focus on work. If with your family, focus on them. You’ll never balance the fifty, but you will balance the one that you’ve chosen to focus on.

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Burnout: Conclusion

I’m overwhelmed by how many people reached out in response to my article series about Burnout. Some shared they’re going through a similar phase. Some have been inspired to refocus their priorities. One reader was surprised that I would share such personal stuff.

It just goes to show that despite all the fun, exciting, and perfect lives we see on social media, everyone struggles with life. Everyone.

I’ve often said the entrepreneurial experience (and just life in general) is like this: fail, fail, SUCCESS, fail, fail, fail, SUCCESS, fail, SUCC.., oh wait, no…fail…

Successful people are successful not because they rarely fail (they fail often!). They are successful because they don’t stay down.

More than that, the high of success only carries us so far.  Unless we have a deeper, more meaningful purpose behind the day-to-day of our work, picking ourselves back up and shaking off the dust becomes harder and harder.

In his book, Start With Why, Simon Sinek describes the difference between being successful and feeling successful. That difference lies in the connection between what you do versus why you do it.

In other words, making money, climbing the ladder, and having all the stuff of success for the sake of success can leave you feeling miserable and empty inside.

Even if you’re just working to make ends meet every month, without a bigger vision you will hit the same wall.

Burnout and disillusionment are inevitable when you don’t have a bigger purpose behind all of your efforts and achievements.

In my last post, I asked you to ponder this question:

If you could be free from the day-to-day of the work that you are currently doing (and there was zero loss of quality in your work, relationships, and finances), what would you do with your time?

Here is how I answered it:

1 Inspire and be a positive influence in the life of everyone I come in contact with.

How would I accomplish this NOW?

Through coaching/consulting with current clients.

Through church ministry.

Through volunteering at kids’ school.

Through focused time with my family.

Through media [newsletter, blogging, video, email].

Through a successful business that supports employees, clients, and vendors who believe in our purpose.

The answer to that question should’ve helped you uncover your value goals. Here are other important value/life goals I uncovered, which require a financial engine (i.e. a source of income):

2 Buy a second home

3 Keep my kids in private school

4 Freedom and autonomy in how I spend my time

I was surprised to discover that I didn’t need to change much to accomplish my first value goal. What I needed was to focus and plan better.

For the other value goals, I saw how money was just a tool, and not a goal. It can make it easier to meet our value goals, but not impossible if there is very little of it. What is more important is purpose, discipline, and focus. Without those, you’ll still run into burnout, no matter how much money you have.

Answering these questions and consulting with people I trust and respect helped me to define the purpose behind the madness and routine of daily life, and breathe new life into my work.

Discovering your purpose, your big why is an effort worth undertaking. While you’re still in the thick of New Year “Resolution-ing” and fresh starts, revisit your goals and see if you can uncover what drives you to do what you do. What is your purpose? What do you stand for? And how is your work or your company a platform for your purpose?

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Burnout, Part 2

In my previous post, I shared with you my run-in with Burnout. I was at a point where I was feeling frustrated with the direction my business was going and wondering how to take back control. I was sick and tired of dealing with the same old problems over and over again, and questioning if I even WANTED to continue. I had little creative energy left and felt very disconnected from my business and my clients. Not a fun place to be in. Kudos to my team for keeping things moving along.

I came across an article that explained it like this:

We start our business with clearly defined goals. For many of us,
it was simply getting into this business. We plot, plan and dream.
We spend hours thinking of our company name and logo, our products, advertising, networking, marketing, and more. Once into the business, we then focus on getting work, clients, customers, jobs, getting ourselves paid, moving 100 mph in the hectic pace of a successful
(or struggling) business.

We work hard to have more money at month’s end than the beginning. Our goal was to be profitable. And then, perhaps a bigger car or a better house. No room for burnout here.

At some point along the path, we met those temporary goals. But then we never replace them.

Or, we’re just not motivated by them anymore. The big house, nice car, nice vacation…it doesn’t fulfill our need for purpose, meaning, and lasting value.

That’s where I was. And the only option I was able to see was quitting, which wasn’t an option for me. I felt stuck. On a particularly tough day, I reached out to a friend who I knew would understand, just needing to talk, not really looking for answers. Somehow, the act of writing that email lifted a million-pound burden off my shoulders, and I was able to think more clearly and focus on the problem.

I reached out to another friend, and same thing. It was like a light came on in the dark. Although they both gave me solid advice and encouragement, I had to take the step and take action. Even the smallest action was better than sitting around feeling depressed and miserable. (There are some very important principles here I will talk about more another time, and it’s not what you think.)

It’s been said that for any challenge, struggle, or failure, defining the problem (and, I would add, seeing it clearly for what it is)  is 80% of the work. And that’s what that first step helped me do.

If you’re finding yourself in the same boat as I was in, here is a good place to start: first, know that you’re not alone. Second, reach out to a friend you trust. Be honest and transparent. If you don’t have that friend, I’ll volunteer.

Third, sit down and answer this question:

If you could be free from the day-to-day of the work that you are currently doing (and there was zero loss of quality in your work, relationships, and finances), what would you do with your time?*

Stop here ponder that question for a few minutes.

This questions detaches your practical, temporary goals from your life/value goals.

Meaningful goals are rooted in our values. When reached, you feel like you’ve accomplished something, you feel like you’ve made a difference. Without that sense of accomplishment, we start to feel useless.  We begin wondering why we’re doing what we’re doing, questioning our abilities and even our self-worth. That’s the smell of burnout.

Practical goals are things like how much money we want to make, buying a home, a business, equipment, a dream vacation, dream job, dream car, dream body, etc. They are rooted in our wants, not our needs.  Once we accomplish them, we’re back to that same place of feeling like we’ve accomplished nothing. And we get back on the roller coaster for another wild ride.

If you took time to answer the question, it should shed a lot of light on what you truly value in your life and clear up the burnout smoke in your head. It did for me.

After you get your answer to that question, the next logical question is: how can I do that NOW with the time and resources I have NOW?

I’ll share the value goals that I discovered for my life next time. I’d love to hear yours. 

*Thanks to my friend and mentor Ben Glass for this excellent question. (BenGlassLaw.com and GreatLegalMarketing.com)

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Burnout

We’ve all experienced it in one form or another. Burnout.

The dictionary defines it as fatigue, frustration, or apathy resulting from prolonged stress, overwork, or intense activity. In plain terms, you’re just sick and tired of the whole thing, whatever the “thing” is. You’ve lost all motivation and the only thing that is keeping you from just quitting is the fear of becoming homeless, starving your kids, or *gasp* moving back to your parents’ house.

In my life, burnout seems to rear its head every few years, mostly in business. As the business grows and as my life changes, the stress, overload, and intense moments may look different, or be triggered by different activities, but they are sure to come.

At first I think I just need a vacation, or a change of pace. But deep inside, that nagging feeling, that sense of dread won’t leave. Take all the vacations you want…unless you make significant, permanent, long-term changes, you’re just prolonging the pain. One day, you’ll wake up (maybe even be on your death bed) and wonder, “What the heck did I do with my life? All that energy and life I poured into the business, clients, projects…for what?” Ugh.

Here’s the good news. Burnout is the universe’s way telling you, “Wake up! This is NOT what your life is about!” It’s a not-so-gentle prompting that it’s time to get unstuck and change direction, and keep moving forward.

I’m reminded of the Bible’s account of Peter’s miraculous escape from prison. The night before he was to stand trial for a most certain conviction and death sentence, an angel appeared in the prison and struck him on the side to wake him up and get him out, passing through prison bars unnoticed by the 16 guards assigned to watch him. The text specifically says the angel STRUCK him, he hit him hard! Peter must’ve been like, “Whaaaa?? OWWW! Whadja do that for??”

Well, burnout is kinda like that. Something has to whack us hard and be painful enough for us to take notice and get OUT of our death prison.

So if you’re facing burnout, take heart that it is signalling that you are destined for better things. In fact, since you’re sick and tired of your life or your business or whatever you are burnt out on, it’s the perfect time to sit down and reassess what you REALLY want. You’re ready to call it quits, anyway. So what would you do if you did quit? What do you really want to do with your life?

In my next post, I’ll share my burnout journey. I did sit down and do some soul-searching to figure out what I really want to be when I grow up. What do I value? What do I want my life to look like? Hint: Having the benefit of experience and deeper values that come with age, and knowing what you DON’T want is golden. Talk to you more next time!